People drive me insane saying they "hate marriage" and that it ruins everything. No it doesn't. Marriage does not ruin anything, people ruin it. Marriage is having sex with your best friend. It's working through the hard times together and giving more when you feel like giving up; it's finding solace in your partner instead of seeking it in a stranger. Have you ever heard the saying “The grass is always greener on the other side”? Maybe that is because they take care of it. When you love someone or you’re married to someone, instead of “looking at grass on the other side”, take care of your own.
I think the problem with a lot of people, when they enter relationships or marriage; they expect it to be perfect and want to rush it all. They expect their relationship to be exactly like something out of their favorite love movie. At times, it can be like that, but not always. Like everything in this world, the best things in life do not come easy. Love is no exception. Love probably takes more work than anything… maybe that is because it truly is the best feeling in the world. Love is a noun, adjective, a verb – it is everything. Love is so many things and to write an official definition, it would take up an entire book.
Love is like a beautiful flower, it takes time to fully grow and we must be patient. Love is putting your partner’s happiness before your own. Love tends to bring out the beauty in everything; even a rainy, cold, dreary day. Seeing a smile on your partner’s face means the world to you. It’s thinking of them randomly in the middle of the day and getting butterflies. It’s finding their little imperfections or flaws and accepting them anyway. It’s looking at them and thinking “I cannot believe he is mine”. It’s sticking together when you go through hard times and working as a team. It’s meeting halfway so you both are satisfied – it can’t be your way and it cannot be their way. Love is finding joy in everything you do, from grocery shopping, to long walks talking about nothing, to a cruise in the Caribbean. Love is not lying, cheating, or abusing – why would you want to do that to your best friend? Love means admitting when you’re wrong: forgiving, learning, and growing. Love is wanting to tell your partner everything, from a deal at the store, to an issue you saw on TV, something new you want to try, or just a simple conversation to say “hello”. Love means still thinking of your partner’s needs years down the road… why would you ever marry someone you did not feel this way about?Sometimes love is also still wanting to be with someone who betrays you. Love is like a prison when it’s one sided. I know. It is like you are inside a small lonely room… with bars, watching the outside, and there is nothing you can do change it. The only thing you can do is work on yourself. I was engaged and if it were up to me, I still would be. But as God and fate would have it, that has not happened. I learned that love truly is the most powerful emotion in the world. It makes you feel the best, but my God, does it make you feel the worst.
Over what I have been through and what I witnessed over the years, I learned that when you have a broken heart, you cannot give all the little pieces to every person that comes along. Have you ever noticed a person who just wants or NEEDS to be in a relationship? They are never single. They are in one relationship, it ends, and a few days later another begins. I wanted to be that person. I did not want to face to facts or face myself. If you are always in a relationship, how can you grow? How you can you really determine what you truly want in someone. It is so fake. It’s just the desperation of not wanting to be lonely. I totally get that because I wanted it.
More-so what I have learned, you have to pick up the little pieces of your heart and give them to yourself. That is the hardest part of all. Because then the pain is so real, you have to depend on yourself and grow as your own person. Those nights where you cry yourself to sleep, your stomach is in knots thinking of the wonderful times you previously had, and hating yourself wondering “Where did I go wrong?” or “What could I have done make it better”. Tears form on their own… even when you’re not thinking of it, your subconscious is – you can’t escape. You cry when you eat, you cry when you drive, you cry when you shop, and your friends and family always try to help but it feels like no one understands when you’re going through. You fake a smile as much as you can because you are so tired of everyone seeing you sad and always complaining. Faking happiness is very exhausting.
Time is what fully heals a broken heart. Friends and family are great to have along the way, but they cannot replace how you truly feel. Do not seek solace in someone else out of desperation, seek solace in yourself. Learn to love yourself and grow, and take everything negative in your life or what you are experiencing and turn it into a lesson and most of all, find strength in your weakness.
I still hurt, to this day, and it has been a while. Time has healed, but not everything. My life is 100% different right now than I thought it would be a year ago, but for some reason, it almost… almost, not quite, feels right. I discovered my blog and my love for writing to not only help myself, but help others, I am so much more focused on my goals and dreams, and the ambitions keep flowing in, and I learned how strong I am. I have been blessed with opportunities of being featured on the radio and various sites. So can you. I live with my life with no limits. And I never tell anyone the sky is limit, especially when there are footprints on the moon…
I could write about this for days and I hope that if you reading are going through this, that you heal quickly and learn how beautiful you truly are and how wonderful it feels to believe in yourself. There is nothing you cannot do if you try. It may take a while, but you must keep believing. I am writing about this now in my book and I felt compelled to share this because of what I have been feeling recently are witnessing with many friends.
Before the light I found the dark
Before tonight I feel apart
Frozen up I've realized that something's gotta change
It took a crash to understand
Time kept slipping through my hands
I never used to know
The sun will shine after the rain
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
To a new day
But I'm not up for giving up
Lying down and out of luck
My mistakes are in the open and know I'm finally coming clean
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
Before tonight I feel apart
Frozen up I've realized that something's gotta change
It took a crash to understand
Time kept slipping through my hands
I never used to know
The sun will shine after the rain
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
To a new day
But I'm not up for giving up
Lying down and out of luck
My mistakes are in the open and know I'm finally coming clean
Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before
Say hello, say hello to a new way
I was lost, but I found what I was looking for
Waking up, waking up to a new day
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