My battle with emotional eating and binging: How I almost gave up and how I beat it.

I am the poster child for the emotional eater and due to some events that have happened to me this week, I feel like now is the perfect to address this heartbreaking issue. This is so common amongst people, that sometimes you probably do not even realize you do it. I can honestly say this was one of my biggest afflictions with my weight loss journey. Giving up on trying to eat healthy and exercise when something bad happened to me was the easiest thing in the world to do. Whenever I did not get my way, someone made fun of me, or I felt depressed, the first thing I would turn to is food. And not only did I eat, I binged. Food was what made me happy when no one and nothing else ever did. I cannot express the dangers in doing this. Recent events that unfolded in my life on Monday almost cost me to go back into my old habits. But I didn’t. I stopped and I thought about my readers, my friends, my family, and how damn good I have been feeling lately, and I found strength in myself to not go through that route again.

Depression and low self esteem made me turn to turn to food. Sometimes the emotional eating and binging would last for a day, two days, and sometimes it went on for over a week. When I binged I did not care at all about how I looked or the damage I was doing to not only my body, but my mental and emotional state. After I would stop eating, I felt so miserable from all that I had ate, that I felt it was pointless to try and start back on losing weight. I had already started back on such a bad path – why keep trying? IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.

If you are being made fun of in school or your job, your spouse cheats, lies, or leaves you, you lose your job, or encounter the death of a loved one -- none of that is an excuse to put your body through binging. It took me 20 years to figure this out. So that means only 1 year ago did I finally learn and get out of binging and emotional eating. It may have taken a long time, but I finally got the strength.

Events that happened to me Monday evening left me in shock and blindsided with a person I loved more than anything. I could find one-hundred other adjectives to describe how I was feeling. In an instant I felt worthless. Everything I have worked so hard to accomplish did not mean anything to me. After the tears and initial shock wore off, I wanted to turn to food.

The day before, Sunday evening I had updated my status on Facebook, writing about how after a long while of plateauing, that I am finally seeing steady results in my body. I had also been calling some friends and family informing them of my excitement. I was so close to just throwing all of it away because I was so sad. And I am going to admit, you who read my blog and constantly send messages and emails to me, were the first the people to pop into my head. I knew I could not let you guys down. This blog, sharing my story, helping others, and continuing my weight loss journey has meant everything to me.

I realized my self-worth and that I was NOT going to let go of what I work so hard for everyday just because one person in my life betrays me. This also goes for any other situation in life that you may going through that feels like it is tearing you apart.

It was not always easy to find strength in my weakness, and like I previously stated, it took me a long time to get this way, but I learned. Now my goal is to help you learn, if you struggle with this. No one is perfect. No matter how rich, beautiful, or successful you may be, you will go through hard times. And sometimes those hard times will make you feel like you want to give up.
Most of learning to not binge and emotionally eat is mental. Just like healthy eating and exercise. It takes a strong mental state to accomplish all of those, because you are responsible for your own actions, what you eat, and what you do with your life.

The first thing I did teach myself how to have a forgiving heart. I cannot teach you how to do this; you must find this in you. I taught myself that most people are not bad at the core. This may not always be true, but I always try to see good in others. I do not forget, but I do forgive. Most importantly, I learn. I read an amazing quote yesterday by Lewis B. Smedes: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free… and discover that the prisoner was you.” I could not agree more. When your heart is light and not filled with hate, bitterness, or revenge, your over-all well being is so much better.

The second thing I taught myself is: instant gratification vs. long-term gratification. When I binged, it was only during those few minutes of eating did I feel pleasure and enjoy it. Afterwards, I felt terrible. When I eat healthy, exercise, and keep doing that constantly, the pleasure and gratification means so much more to me. It does not last a few minutes like binging does, it lasts throughout my life.

A few other things I did were: write my thoughts and poems, listen to music, exercise (my favorite thing to do – it gets those endorphins flowing), read, watch movies, or go be with my friends and family. What was important is keeping my mind busy. Food is to nourish our body, give us energy, and enable us to live – not to act as an anti-depressant. Find a hobby, not another food to consume.

When trying to lose weight and make yourself healthy is one of the hardest things you are enduring in your life, it is so easy to give it up, especially when other aspects of your life start to go wrong. You feel like getting yourself healthy is just another burden you have to carry and all you want to do is lighten your load. This is when you have to remember, what you are doing is GOOD for you and is improving your life, not another obstacle you are being forced to over-come. This was very hard for me to learn. Learning to love and believe in ourselves is something we all must work at every day. With hope, determination, and strong will, anything is possible...

and losing 108 pounds taught me to believe that.